miss B commented in my last entry saying that i had been tagged in her blog. thank god she did that, because i couldn't really think of what to write right now. just finished my course(s) and next week i'll sit for my FINAL EXAM!!! really need to ace that.. have to! so, after this tag is done, i might go hiatus for a week or so. just so that i could concentrate on my revision. ececececececece.. *rotflol*
1. When is the last time you ran?
-loooooooong ago?!! *lol*
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears and holes in them?
-awww..sexy! no lah.
3. What are you dreading right now?
-the fact that my final exam's next week, and i have tonnes of my students' exam papers to mark. dang!
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
-erkk..that's one of my best friends' birthday..anything special that day?!
5. When is the last time you saw your significant other?
-have to LOOK for one first, before i get to SEE him.
6. Do you get the full eight hours of sleep every night?
-not every night.lately, i got only 3-4 hours of sleep. :(
7. What is your favourite current song?
-been listening to LOTSSSSSSS of korean songs. too many favourites, i must say.
8. If anyone came to your house on your lazy days, what would you do?
-if they are not my guest (i.e. my parents'), i'd lock myself in my room and take a nap. ;)
9. Who last grabbed your ass?
-*rotflol* no one, thank god.
10. Have you ever been in your school’s band?
-proudly to say, yes.
11. Do you own a pair of Converse?
-no, don't plan to.
12. Did you copy and paste this survey?
-yup, from no ordinary momster. :)
13. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
-nope. not my thing..
14. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
-when i was in high school, yes. hoping to get another can of coffee. *lol*
15. Do you hate it when a radio ruins a song by playing a slow one after it?
-i hate it when people remix a good song, and make it worse.
16. Do you watch Trading Places?
-once, i think..
17. Have you ever stayed on line a long time waiting for someone?
-ha ha ha. i have. loooooooong time ago..
18. Are you ‘cocky’?
-i think not. but people might see me differently. who knows?
19. Could you live without a computer?
-in this day and age, i think i can't.
20. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
-when i get a new pair of shoes.. i'd walk around the house with them. hehehe..
21. At what age did you find out Santa was not real?
-since forever!
22. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are there in your home?
-1 house phone, 3 cells
23. What do you do when you are sad?
-cry, listen to songs, talk to my best friend.
24. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
-the same best friend. but of course it's impossible. HARAM ok, the lottery?! *lol*
25. Last time you saw your best friend(s)?
-the one mentioned above, not for a long time. others, i saw them last Eid. :D
26. Who, or What sleeps with you?
-have yet to fine a hubby to sleep with, so now i only sleep with 4 pillows. pathetic, tak?! :(
27. Are you still in High School?
-i wish i am!!!
28. Is anyone on your bad side now?
-alhamdulillah, none that i could think of now.
29. What jewelery are you wearing now?
-a ring, a gold bracelet, D&G watch.
30. What is the first thing that you do when you get on line?
-check my gmail. log on to yahoo messenger.
31. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?
-not religiously, but enough to make me drool over Dr Alex Karev. ;)
32. Would you ever wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
-i find this very romantic. why not? [yikesss!!so cheeky!] *rotflol*
33. Where do you work?
-in a school, in terengganu.
34. What are you doing on Friday?
-study, prepare sandwiches for my students [they are having their scouts' annual camping]
35. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
-hope not!
36. Favourite name for a girl?
-fatimah naquiyah, hannah humaira.. my nieces' names.
37. Favourite name for a boy?
-hasif hilman, haziq husaini, hassan an nuqman, muaz .. these are all my nephews' names.
38. Will you keep your own name when you get married?
-of course. i am muslim.
39. When is the last time you left your house?
-this morning.
40. Do you return your cart (I assume trolley)?
-sometimes i just left it beside my car. hehe
41. Do you have a dishwasher?
-no.
42. What noise do you hear?
-school bell ringing, rain drops.. aaahhhh.. i like the sound of rain drops..
i'm tagging achik, asni, shambie, shaxu and anyone interested.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
of being single and young(er).
is it a sin being a single? did i bring any harm to anyone just because i have not settled down? why do i get treated badly just because i'm not married? i've had enough of these sort of double standards already. since working, approximately 4 years ago, being single is like a death sentence to me (and a few friends). i have to attend courses that those who are married did not want to go, simply because they had problems with 'anak²'. and i have to go to meetings because those same people can't make it due to family problem and i have nothing to think about at home. my god!!!! don't us, single people, have our own problems too? it may not be about children or husband or in-laws, but a problem is a problem no matter how you put it. no one is to judge how great or simple a problem is if you're not the one facing it.
me being single is not a choice. this is whatwe i like to call fate. if i can just pick anyone to be wed, i would have done it years ago! who does not want to be married and start a family? everybody does. it's just that my 'time' is yet to arrive. and for that, i have to be 'punished' by doing stuff that mostly, are supposed to be done together as colleagues. i am trying my best to settle down, to have my own child(ren) et cetera. maybe i should try harder. but in the mean time, cant' they just give me a break, or better yet, treat me equally?
and is it my fault being born late? and start working when i'm only in my early 20s? me being young [if not the youngest..], is that a ticket for anyone not to show some respect to me? in this day and age, i believe in equality. in order to be respected by everyone, you have to respect others too. i have done my part, the best that i can [i.e respecting my superiors], but why can't they show me some respect too? when they give orders, can't they talk in a softer tone? and show some nice facial expression once in a while.. is that so hard to do? a simple and honest gesture means a lot to anyone.
i know we can't stay young forever. i am already 25 (ouch!!), and that's not young anymore. but being the junior in my workplace, plus a single one too, i don't think i get respected for being me. i maybe younger, but i work like everyone too. so don't i deserve a little bit of respect? can't older people respect their juniors?
these are some of the reasons why i really want to fly away from my workplace. even though it's the best compared to my friends', but i'm afraid i can't handle this kind of pressure anymore. i am, intentionally or not, being DISCRIMINATED just because i am (still) single and young(er).
or, to ease my pain, shall i just find a husband right away?
rotflol.
me being single is not a choice. this is what
and is it my fault being born late? and start working when i'm only in my early 20s? me being young [if not the youngest..], is that a ticket for anyone not to show some respect to me? in this day and age, i believe in equality. in order to be respected by everyone, you have to respect others too. i have done my part, the best that i can [i.e respecting my superiors], but why can't they show me some respect too? when they give orders, can't they talk in a softer tone? and show some nice facial expression once in a while.. is that so hard to do? a simple and honest gesture means a lot to anyone.
i know we can't stay young forever. i am already 25 (ouch!!), and that's not young anymore. but being the junior in my workplace, plus a single one too, i don't think i get respected for being me. i maybe younger, but i work like everyone too. so don't i deserve a little bit of respect? can't older people respect their juniors?
these are some of the reasons why i really want to fly away from my workplace. even though it's the best compared to my friends', but i'm afraid i can't handle this kind of pressure anymore. i am, intentionally or not, being DISCRIMINATED just because i am (still) single and young(er).
or, to ease my pain, shall i just find a husband right away?
rotflol.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
my OCD and i
i guess the main reason why i can't seem to be blogging on regular basis, for a long period of time, is because i think a lot. a fellow blogger, who's now a doctor, once 'diagnosed' me with "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" (OCD). hehehehehe. when i write, i would proof read them over and over just to make sure everything's correct. the spelling, the grammatical part of the sentences et cetera. sometimes, on a rare ocassion, i would mentally plan what i want to write that day. i would read what i've written and would picture myself as the reader..would i be interested in reading what's written there?
i needed perfection in the work i'm doing. even if it's merely a blog.. a personal one to add to that. but being a teacher i guess, i need or have to write well, if not better than my students. lol. plus i personally think that since teaching, my english is deteriorating. things have been going the other way round. it's not my students' level of english that gets better, but mine is getting worse day by day.
this was told by my lecturer [who happens to be an ex-tkcian also..], on the day she interviewed me for my PJJ course, that i need to get out from my school, because my students are making my command of english worse. hehehe. perhaps i'm not much of a exemplary teacher, that's why they are not making any grave progress. lol. but in a way, it does affect me a bit. speaking and writing wise, i'm not as confident as i used to be.
so, my point is.. this OCD thing had an effect on me as a blogger/writer. as the process becomes longer, i slowly feel lazier to write. so, this time around i'll put my foot down and just write whatever comes to my mind. without ever thinking of the correct grammar or if it's interesting enough for the readers. [but sadly i still can't compromise on the spelling part. lol]
oh, and one other thing about blog. i think it works 2-way. when i write, a reader will read. and if that reader has a blog, i will read his/hers. then the reader will leave a comment. so do i. hence, when i am not capable of doing any of those [i.e. leisurely read + comment in others' blogs], i tend to stop writing in mine too.. because i think it's not fair for them to write and write some more yet i couldn't read their entries and leave my p.o.v. to be fair, i just stop writing so that they don't have anything to comment in my blog in return.
but i guess, writing is in my blood. no matter how hard i try, at the end of the day, it still gives me a sense of satisfaction.
a SUPER WEIRD way of thinking? i think it's confirmed now i have OCD.
lol
i needed perfection in the work i'm doing. even if it's merely a blog.. a personal one to add to that. but being a teacher i guess, i need or have to write well, if not better than my students. lol. plus i personally think that since teaching, my english is deteriorating. things have been going the other way round. it's not my students' level of english that gets better, but mine is getting worse day by day.
this was told by my lecturer [who happens to be an ex-tkcian also..], on the day she interviewed me for my PJJ course, that i need to get out from my school, because my students are making my command of english worse. hehehe. perhaps i'm not much of a exemplary teacher, that's why they are not making any grave progress. lol. but in a way, it does affect me a bit. speaking and writing wise, i'm not as confident as i used to be.
so, my point is.. this OCD thing had an effect on me as a blogger/writer. as the process becomes longer, i slowly feel lazier to write. so, this time around i'll put my foot down and just write whatever comes to my mind. without ever thinking of the correct grammar or if it's interesting enough for the readers. [but sadly i still can't compromise on the spelling part. lol]
oh, and one other thing about blog. i think it works 2-way. when i write, a reader will read. and if that reader has a blog, i will read his/hers. then the reader will leave a comment. so do i. hence, when i am not capable of doing any of those [i.e. leisurely read + comment in others' blogs], i tend to stop writing in mine too.. because i think it's not fair for them to write and write some more yet i couldn't read their entries and leave my p.o.v. to be fair, i just stop writing so that they don't have anything to comment in my blog in return.
but i guess, writing is in my blood. no matter how hard i try, at the end of the day, it still gives me a sense of satisfaction.
a SUPER WEIRD way of thinking? i think it's confirmed now i have OCD.
lol
Sunday, September 21, 2008
just not my day
well.. i've written/typed quite a long entry before this, but decided to delete them all.. the words were just so dull. it's like i'm writing in my own personal diary or something like that. lol. as you can see up there, today's just not my day. it started out well this morning. i was feeling happy and cheerful and fresh and full of energy. i came to work feeling very, very positive.
but a colleague informed me a devastating news just as i was about to start work. he told me that our boss [a.k.a the headmistress] was denied of her application for an early retirement by the ministry. my mood changed all of a sudden. in my lab, my mp3 player kept playing moody+gloomy+emo songs all morning. that news was not what i wanted to hear today.
i quickly applied for a transfer right after that. one to kelantan,my hometown and the other one is to besut, a district of terengganu, the nearest to kelantan. i just have to leave this school, i thought. it's not that i don't like it here. in fact, the school's awesome. the facilities are complete. my collegues are all fine, they are very helpful and we are all like siblings already.
it's just that i can't imagine being under her administration for another year. can't handle the pressure. she's just not the type of boss that you'd want to work with. or at least not my type. i know it's beyond my power to 'choose' my boss. and as cliche as it may sound, i know life is not a bed of thorn-less roses. but since i have other options, i would take up any chance that i had in order to 'run away' from her.
today's not my day. hope to hear some thing good soon. sigh~
but a colleague informed me a devastating news just as i was about to start work. he told me that our boss [a.k.a the headmistress] was denied of her application for an early retirement by the ministry. my mood changed all of a sudden. in my lab, my mp3 player kept playing moody+gloomy+emo songs all morning. that news was not what i wanted to hear today.
i quickly applied for a transfer right after that. one to kelantan,my hometown and the other one is to besut, a district of terengganu, the nearest to kelantan. i just have to leave this school, i thought. it's not that i don't like it here. in fact, the school's awesome. the facilities are complete. my collegues are all fine, they are very helpful and we are all like siblings already.
it's just that i can't imagine being under her administration for another year. can't handle the pressure. she's just not the type of boss that you'd want to work with. or at least not my type. i know it's beyond my power to 'choose' my boss. and as cliche as it may sound, i know life is not a bed of thorn-less roses. but since i have other options, i would take up any chance that i had in order to 'run away' from her.
today's not my day. hope to hear some thing good soon. sigh~
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Letting out & Letting Go
these are the dilemmas i'm having right now. well, not actually dilemmas, they are just the things that i should do, but i think i should not. things regarding 2 of the most important people in my life. i will not go and elaborate further about who they are. the rest is up to your imagination(s). this entry is a follow up of my 'dream' or shall i say 'gangguan syaitan' [because i slept after subuh.]
the first one is about letting out what i truly think to someone. lately, he's being acting extremely weird. weird for his age, weird for his personality. i'm not sure whether weird is the correct word to use, but in short, he's not what he used to be. people closest to me are suffering right now because of his attitude. i cried a bucket when i first heard of his unlikely actions.in my dream, i let out what i felt in his face.he was so shocked, seeing my bold move. i, as everyone knows, am very introvert when it comes to letting out my feelings. i hid what i felt deep inside, no one could ever know it. but in that dream, i was brave enough to stand up and just shout to his ears what i felt. yes, i was satisfied. but in real life, i still don't know whether that's the appropriate thing to do. if i do that, i would be regarded as someone who does not respect the person that should always be respected. this story, only one person knows the details. and i was so grateful i decided to tell that person about it. in a way, i did let out my feelings to someone, even though not to the one i should let it out to. sigh~
next is the classic case of letting go of someone that you know is not meant for you. my closest friends should have no problem relating this story as you guys should know who i'm referring to. the thing is that, in that same dream, i confessed to him that i like(d) him these past 9 years. well, come to think of it, i think this is also a case of letting out my feelings. i think i have managed to let go of him already, out of my heart, but i can't seem to be satisfied without telling him what i used to feel. he's getting married in less than a month, and confessing to him after all these years might seem super-weird!! but i mean no harm. in fact, by telling him about it, i don't think it will change anything. well, maybe i won't be able to face him after this (malu, ok?!), but at the very least, i've told him the truth. i still can remember vividly the 'email' i wrote to him in that dream..[yes, i emailed him, didn't tell him in person!!]..hehehhe..even in that dream, i still malu. still didn't have the courage to tell him face to face or over the phone, even in a dream!!. LOL. erkkk..come to think of it, i haven't seen him (in person) ever since he went abroad. the last time i saw him, i think, was when i sent him @the airport back in '02. gosh!! i was only 19 in '02!! huhuhuhu..
am i even making any sense by writing this? or did i make you readers 'geram' with my attitude that doesn't want to let out what i really and truly feel? hehehehe.. this is me being me. i suffer alone.
the first one is about letting out what i truly think to someone. lately, he's being acting extremely weird. weird for his age, weird for his personality. i'm not sure whether weird is the correct word to use, but in short, he's not what he used to be. people closest to me are suffering right now because of his attitude. i cried a bucket when i first heard of his unlikely actions.in my dream, i let out what i felt in his face.he was so shocked, seeing my bold move. i, as everyone knows, am very introvert when it comes to letting out my feelings. i hid what i felt deep inside, no one could ever know it. but in that dream, i was brave enough to stand up and just shout to his ears what i felt. yes, i was satisfied. but in real life, i still don't know whether that's the appropriate thing to do. if i do that, i would be regarded as someone who does not respect the person that should always be respected. this story, only one person knows the details. and i was so grateful i decided to tell that person about it. in a way, i did let out my feelings to someone, even though not to the one i should let it out to. sigh~
next is the classic case of letting go of someone that you know is not meant for you. my closest friends should have no problem relating this story as you guys should know who i'm referring to. the thing is that, in that same dream, i confessed to him that i like(d) him these past 9 years. well, come to think of it, i think this is also a case of letting out my feelings. i think i have managed to let go of him already, out of my heart, but i can't seem to be satisfied without telling him what i used to feel. he's getting married in less than a month, and confessing to him after all these years might seem super-weird!! but i mean no harm. in fact, by telling him about it, i don't think it will change anything. well, maybe i won't be able to face him after this (malu, ok?!), but at the very least, i've told him the truth. i still can remember vividly the 'email' i wrote to him in that dream..[yes, i emailed him, didn't tell him in person!!]..hehehhe..even in that dream, i still malu. still didn't have the courage to tell him face to face or over the phone, even in a dream!!. LOL. erkkk..come to think of it, i haven't seen him (in person) ever since he went abroad. the last time i saw him, i think, was when i sent him @the airport back in '02. gosh!! i was only 19 in '02!! huhuhuhu..
am i even making any sense by writing this? or did i make you readers 'geram' with my attitude that doesn't want to let out what i really and truly feel? hehehehe.. this is me being me. i suffer alone.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
i.am.sorry
i know i have not been blogging for ages. those who've asked, and being concerned about my whereabouts, i cannot thank you enough. i am touched. it's freedom from upsr today. my kids have ended their 'fight' towards excellence at approximately 1 p.m. today. i hope they did well in their english papers.
i have been busy. juggling time for work and study. as i told miss B, and those who know me, i'm the worst in time management. i like to do things at the very last minutes. so in the end, it's me who'll suffer. sigh~
sorry, couldn't care less of the correct punctuation or grammar. too lazy to knock on the 'shift' keypad or check the grammatical errors. i'm off to kampung today.will have a long break from school as i'm going to KL this coming sunday for a meeting.
my dearest friends, i'll be staying at hotel impian morib. i know it's a far far away land from KL, so, please drop by if you want to meet up. or better yet, 'kidnap' me and take me for a raya shopping spree! lol.
that's all for now. will be back with more stories from now on. i have to start writing more i think. it'll be a great help for my assignments. ;)
take care people! i.love.you.all.!!
i have been busy. juggling time for work and study. as i told miss B, and those who know me, i'm the worst in time management. i like to do things at the very last minutes. so in the end, it's me who'll suffer. sigh~
sorry, couldn't care less of the correct punctuation or grammar. too lazy to knock on the 'shift' keypad or check the grammatical errors. i'm off to kampung today.will have a long break from school as i'm going to KL this coming sunday for a meeting.
my dearest friends, i'll be staying at hotel impian morib. i know it's a far far away land from KL, so, please drop by if you want to meet up. or better yet, 'kidnap' me and take me for a raya shopping spree! lol.
that's all for now. will be back with more stories from now on. i have to start writing more i think. it'll be a great help for my assignments. ;)
take care people! i.love.you.all.!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
highlights
I almost forgot how great it is just to be with friends.
Hanging out together, chatting about stuff that doesn't really matter to the world [read: gossip!]
It was a bliss last school break though, as I got the chance to do those stuff.
Since I've been working [4th year now], I don't think I get to 'enjoy' much.
Except during weekends with Shambie [when she leaves her beloved Terengganu] and Aboon [when she's on leave from work/study].
Other than that, internet is my sole source of entertainment and joy.
Oh, and my niece and nephews that I had to babysit.
I'm glad I decided to meet up and catch up with those closest to me while I was in KL last week.
These are the highlights of my [as Mache and everybody like to put it] rather SHORT visit..;
All in all, I had a splendid time even though it was limited.
I apologize to those who weren't informed that I was coming.
As I said, it's work related [even though I didn't mention anything about it], and to find time to actually meet those mention above, amazed yours truly as well.
I ended up with a back ache anyway..I guess I really pushed myself that last day.
Hehehehehehehehehehe.
Okay, Mache and Fqrl.. I get your point.
I think I should do this more often. :p
Wassalam.
Hanging out together, chatting about stuff that doesn't really matter to the world [read: gossip!]
It was a bliss last school break though, as I got the chance to do those stuff.
Since I've been working [4th year now], I don't think I get to 'enjoy' much.
Except during weekends with Shambie [when she leaves her beloved Terengganu] and Aboon [when she's on leave from work/study].
Other than that, internet is my sole source of entertainment and joy.
Oh, and my niece and nephews that I had to babysit.
I'm glad I decided to meet up and catch up with those closest to me while I was in KL last week.
These are the highlights of my [as Mache and everybody like to put it] rather SHORT visit..;
- house warming @ fqrl's. I got to meet [finally!!] an old friend with a totally new 'image'. Yeah, he got me stunned and out of words. It was definitely a great rendezvous even though I was being picked on [and 'betrayed'] most of the time. Oh, did I mention we were 2 hours late to the house warming? All thanks to Pak Lah's announcement on oil price hike earlier that day.
- 'lepak' @living room with Shaxu while waiting for Idya [before going to fqrl's crib]. I still can't forget the yummylicious popiah basah Shaxu brought me and the fact that we were watching RTM at that moment. LOL. Oh, we were busy gossiping anyways. :D
- adhoc lunch date with Asni + Adrin. A short meet-up slash catch-up session, but it was worth it. It felt like yearssssss since I last saw Asni.
- a VERY short date with Nanakuhhhh.. too bad I had to rush home that day. But @least I was able to get myself an MNG purse on her advice, sadly we didn't have time to shop for shoes..huuhuhuhuhu..
- I got to meet 2 bloggers. Kak pB and ninadewe [from Indonesia]. Had breakfast with kak pB, but only spent a few minutes with Nina..both of us had prior plans.
- lastly, the NEVERENDING phone calls to Idya.. mostly [if not ALL] asking for directions. FYI, I got lost multiple times, and yeah it took me 'hours' to get to a place that shoud have taken only a few minutes according to Idya.. :P Oh, yes. I got HONKED dozens of times too.
All in all, I had a splendid time even though it was limited.
I apologize to those who weren't informed that I was coming.
As I said, it's work related [even though I didn't mention anything about it], and to find time to actually meet those mention above, amazed yours truly as well.
I ended up with a back ache anyway..I guess I really pushed myself that last day.
Hehehehehehehehehehe.
Okay, Mache and Fqrl.. I get your point.
I think I should do this more often. :p
Wassalam.
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