Yong at Busan Xmas Concert II

Credit to Jennifer
 
 
 
 

Yong at Busan Xmas Concert

Credit to Jennifer

서울.. 나 간다!! [토요일 밤의, 서울로 가요!!]

Hehe.. thought I'd 'show off' my Hangeul a bit. ;)

The title means : 

"Seoul..here I come!! [I'm going to Seoul on Saturday night!!]"

A bit unsettled with my assignments, but I hope I'll do okay.

I'm actually on the verge of crying right now, but I've to be positive.

Have to look on the bright side.

And the bright side is, I'm FINALLY gonna be in SEOUL!!

♥ ♥ ♥

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

speculate

The last few entries have got my closest friends wondering.

Who was it? What happened? Was it him/her?

They'd ask me those questions. Hehehhehehe.. 

That was not my intention at all. I was merely letting out my feelings.

Didn't know there are friends who'd [still] be reading my old blog. lol

Whoever he/she is my friends, let bygones be bygones.

The most important things is that I'm extremely fine now.

Except for the fact that I have a Mid Semester EXAM coming soon, and I haven't finish revising!

Other than that, I'm cool.

;)

I was deeply touched to be receiving text messages from those who were asking my 'condition'.

Thanks my dearest friends. You girls know damn well that's why I LOVE YOU to death!

You made my day.. ♥ ♥ ♥

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

definitely..

IRRITATED.

i think this blog is turning out to sort of like my personal diary.

haha. should i make this private?

i'm not someone who'll confront and say what i feel.

so the feeling goes here. for now, it's definite.

I'M IRRITATED. 

p/s: i know you're happy, but is it a MUST to brag about it?

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

bad friend

lately i'm feeling like i'm such a bad friend.

i got so irritated with stuff i shouldn't be.

perhaps because i always think that life is so unfair.

how come people can have all the luxury to be in the place they are now?

while i'm stuck with the same old routine each day.

nothing excites me. (except for the fact that i'm going for a trip next month)

do i need a new hobby?

to forget the happy and joyful life other people lead?

tawakkal.

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

Feign

putting on a fake smile.

listening to all of your stories.

i know you're not bragging, but damn.. 

it feels like you really are.

i was not happy,not at all.

but i pretended that i was.

i'm sorry if that was mean, but damn..

faking it is all i can do.

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

thank you.

dear miss b,

thank you for your time and wise words.

i'm glad we had the talk just now.

it felt great to let out to someone what's been bugging me.

i'll always remember your advice and opinions, sis.

thanks again and take care..

♥ hugs ♥

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
--------------------------------------------
http://me2day.net/fizzyhasan/
http://twitter.com/fizhasan/
http://fizzyhasan.wordpress.com/

relieved. i've completed third semester.

Alhamdulillah, the last paper I sat for the final exam this evening, I think I did fair.

Not as confident as I was during the mid-semester exam, but at least I could answer the questions.

Hopefully the lecturers would give me marks, at least for the effort I put in. LOL

Now that final examination is over, I think I could start blogging on a regular basis now.

InsyaAllah.

I feel like making a "to-do" list right now..of all the things I should do now that I'm MERDEKA.

So, here goes nothing.. ;)

1. watch movies/k-dramas [downloaded by BFF a.k.a Shambie]
2. download songs to refresh my playlist. [and yeah, I'm thinking of downloading Korean songs!]
3. make kimchi - korean pickled cabbage - on weekend, at home
4. plan KL and/or Penang trip(s) for year-end holidays [free Hangeul class @ Korean Plaza]
5. make "me2day" [Korean's equivalent to "Twitter"] tutorial for my k-pop friends.
6. print out notes on korean language - Hangeul - to be studied SERIOUSLY

Did I just annoyed my readers about all the Korean-related stuff in the list?

Heheheheh.. that's intentional, as I am taking it very seriously now.

Nowadays it's not just about watching Korean dramas or eating Korean food, but it's beyond that for me.

Alhamdulillah I can now read and write Hangeul, and I can cook simple Korean dish, but I'm taking it a step higher. 

I want to be able to understand the language too and learn more about their culture.

Why?

Coz I'm going to Seoul next year!!  ♥ ♥ ♥

 

catching up + patching up

after a few months stalling, i finally 'revert' to my 'root' in this blogosphere.

pardon my absence [not that there are many who care, but i know there are some. thanks, you know who you are!].. so it seems like my head still wants to share something in this blog, but i guess my hands and my head are not in sync.

i want to write, i still think of what to write, EVERY SINGLE DAY, but my hands don't seem too eager to type what i'm thinking. lol.

and having to login with blogger account et cetera, just adds to the hassle which i'm not fond of doing.

that's why i didn't leave a comment whenever i got a chance to read friends' blogs.

[wow! aren't those one helluva excuse?!! haha. i'm just plain LAZY. enough said]

to be honest, i got 'distracted' with facebook that i currently can't live without.

and twitter too, though i'm not really into it. [yet!]

i've made new friends, but by leaving this blog un-updated [is there such a word?! i doubt there is!], i feel like i'm sort of leaving the friends i've made here.

friends?! more like family. those who i got to know them through this blog, i really regard them as sisters. :D

leaving your family is soooo 'berdosa',right?

hence i'm planning to catch up [been doing that these past few days] and patch up with those who have left a special spot in my heart.

wait for it, i promise to regularly update this blog from now on!

fizzy, aja!! aja!!

testing mail2blogger

since i'm not into blogging lately, so i guess posting via email should do the trick.

hence, i'm testing it now..

ring,ding,dong,dong...

--
nur hafiza hj hasan -- fizhasan
http://fizhasan.blogspot.com/
http://tkc9600.com/

tagged by miss B

Mari menjawab soalan

1. Bekas kekasih saya adalah :

>> seorang yang tak wujud.. adoi.. pathetic ke?..br 1st Q.

2. Saya sedang mendengar :

>>bunyi kipas dlm kelas ni dan lagu-lagu ballad korea di media player.

3. Mungkin saya patut:

>> stop jawab ni and habeskan kerja?!

4. Saya suka :

>>apa yang orang biasanya x suka.

5.Sahabat-sahabat baik saya :

>>are those i cant live without.

6.Saya tak paham :

>> kenapa orang korea punya kulit halus. not that pernah sentuh, tp nmpk macam..

7.Saya kehilangan :

>> semangat untuk berBLOG.

8.Ramai yang berkata :

>> beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.. but.. in reality?? kurus=cantik? huhu..

9.Makna nama saya :

>> cahaya yang memelihara [keamanan? anak?!!]

10.Cinta itu adalah :

>>satu rasa yang membuatkan rama2 berterbangan di dalam perut. hahah..[direct translation neh]

11.Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :

>>berharap blog ini di update.

12.Saya akan cuba :

>> jawab soalan2 ni sampai habes..

13.Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud :

>> selamanya tu PERKATAAN, bukan AYAT.

14.Telefon bimbit saya :

>>second hand, dan ianya dibeli di jepun oleh mizot..

15.Bila saya terjaga dari tidur :

>> tunggu alarm 6.30 bunyi..[usually terjaga awal]..chewah~

16.Saya paling meluat apabila :

>> seriously cant think of one right now. baikkah daku??

17.Pesta/Parti adalah :

>> hingar bingar,imho. which i don't really fancy.

18.Haiwan yang paling comel yang saya pernah temui ialah :

>>ikan-ikan di pulau redang.

19.Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah :

>> 16.form four.enough said. ;)

20.Hari ini :

>> students saya exam bahasa inggeris. dan ada yang dapat full marks utk mcq. yay!

21.Malam ini saya akan :

>> masak dan tengok tv seorang diri.

22.Esok pula saya akan :

>> ke sekolah untuk kelas tambahan..

23.Saya betul-betul inginkan :

>> percutian di Seoul tahun depan menjadi kenyataan.

24.Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :

>> [dalam hati berkata] wah, jerawat itu mesti di cover!

25.Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan :

>>apa kes arked?? shopping complex of kosss..

26.Makanan Barat atau Jepun :

>> jepun

27.Bilik yang terang atau gelap:

>> gelap.

28.Makanan segera adalah :

>> tak elok untuk kesihatan

29.Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan pada seseorang?

>>"kelas Sabtu ni, pukul 9 sampai 11,eh?!"

30.Siapa yang anda nak Tag?

>> kalau nak jawab silakan...

p/s: thanks for your thoughts, miss B!! miss you lots!!

found new love[s]

i am pleased to disappoint you that the love[s] that i have found are not in a form of a MAN [or two men for that matter..lol], but rather in reading local political stuff and learning Korean language. the former is because i'm in desperate need of a good laugh and reading about how politicians ridicule themselves somehow satisfy my needs. even though it sickens me to see them toying with the rakyat's trust. the latter is for preparation IF the trip to Korea that i had roughly planned with a few best buddies, comes true. i really hope it does, as it's my ULTIMATE place to visit [as of now]. :D

what a way to start a new post after such a long break.. lol.  well, for the record, LAST month, i did try to update.. but words just wouldn't come out of my head, hence no updates whatsoever from yours truly. i have written a few drafts actually, but none was published. but now, i don't plan to give excuses on why i have not been blogging all this while. i'll just admit that i was too lazy to write. for what reason, i think it's better left unsaid-lah. it'll be the same old reason that even i am bored of writing it over and over again.. but to leave this blog and stop blogging is never in my plan at all. i guess i love this blog so much that i always leave it 'un-updated' for quite some time.. [kalau sayang tinggal-tinggalkan..] hehehe.. did i just gave an excuse there? :p

okay, people..i'd love to write more, but off to school canteen now. hehe

not quite, but still alright.

i always hear or read that people say Kelantan is under developed. and that the rakyat is poor.. [??! did they check EVERY house in Kelantan or what?!!].. on what basis that claim was made, i'm not so sure. and how do they define a developed state, remains a question. to me, you have to come here and judge for yourself. we might not have those skyscrapers like KL here in Kota Bharu. or public transport systems like monorail,LRT et cetera, we don't have them. but imho, everything that we have here is enough. at least i can get what i want. those simple stuff that you thought you won't find in KB, is here already..

these are basically what shambie and i found during our 'weekly date' last weekend.

sushi? no problem. even though you won't have the luxury of eating in Sushi King, you still get to eat sushi. not as delicious, but the taste is acceptable. at least en par with Jusco's sushi [a must whenever i go to Maluri].. :D

and to our excitement, me and my 'girlfriend' Shambie found a stall that sells takoyaki. yahoo!! takoyaki, simply means grilled octopus is a famous Japanese street food and to find it in KB is just so satisfying. [wikipedia].



for some western food earlier that afternoon, we head for London Fish Tales.. [miss b, this is the 'closest' to London that i can get.. *lol*].. the food was simple [we only ate fish and chips and fried shrimp]..yet they are so yummy. especially the shrimp.

and for desert, there is Secret Recipe nearby for their oh-so-delicious cakes or Big Apple Donuts.. my, their donuts are fingerlickingly good! we didn't eat any cakes or donuts though, since the takoyaki made us full.



the best that day was of course, the fish massage that we get right after lunch. yeah, definitely not the same as the Fish Spa that you can find in Pavillion KL, but the fish are somewhat the same.

for rm18, our feet got massaged [or shall i say, 'EATEN' by the fish] for half an hour.. it's quite ticklish at first, but you'll get used to it in no time. felt as if you get minor electric shock whenever the fish suck the dead cells off your feet. the fish didn't actually bit our feet, but more like 'kissed' our feet. and with each 'kiss' we felt the shock. so imagine with that many fish all over your feet..how ticklish it would be.. :)

oh, that's yours truly's feet in the picture,btw. that's one helluva fish, right? shambie didn't get that much. so what did that indicates? hahahaha. my feet got a lot more dead cells than hers!! dang! an exciting experience it was that we decided to have another visit there to get our feet massaged.


after the 'date' we came to a conclusion that you don't need to go to KL or other 'more developed' cities to experience or get any interesting stuff when everything's right in front of you now. no matter how 'mundur' people say Kelantan is, at least in our point of view, it is the contrary. apart from a cinema, Kelantan has everything that we need. hehhehe.. [with a cinema, we'll have no more wish. everything is complete,then.].. lol.

lastly, if we 'developed' and be the same like KL or JB, where's the uniqueness then? people have always been flocking to Kelantan because they say we have quality stuff here yet with very reasonable price. i.e., gold jewelleries, batik sutera, batik sarung, tudung bawal et cetera.. i don't have proof of that, but according to my friends [not Kelantanese], it is the truth. so, i like Kelantan as it is now. whatever negative remarks people give, at least to me, it's special.

a patriotic entry, don't you think? *lol*

to shambie: babe,can't wait for our rendezvous this weekend!! hehe

of single dads and 'duda'..

i was planning to post about something serious at first, but the mood to talk about stuff like that is just not there tonight. so, same like the previous post, i'll justwrite an entry about some entertainment-related stuff now..just to lighten up the gloomy days i'm in nowadays.. now,shall we.. ?! *lol*

people closest to me might know this about yours truly : I AM CRAZY ABOUT KOREAN DRAMAS! and after a few years watching numerous dramas and movies from S.Korea.. i fell in love with almost everything about the country.. its culture, language and handwriting, music and the list goes on.

anyway, after years of watching these dramas.. there are a few of them that potray characters of single dads and duda [divorced man].. but they don't do justice-lah i think.. in ALL the dramas, ALL the single dads and duda are EXTREMELY hot!! i mean, does it make sense when these so-good-looking guys [just to show a few] are single dads or duda[s]?

[Oh Ji Ho in 'Single Dad in Love']

[Kim Seong Su in 'Bad Love']

[Ryu Jin in 'Mom's Dead Upset']

being 'in love' with korean dramas, i tend to have this kind of perception that ALL single dads or duda are to-die-for!! they are extremely hot and very successful in life. silly me, kan? rotflol. if only life is just as the dramas that i've watched. it'll sure be so colorful..

oh, and just to be fair.., hollywood's not any different. these are miss b's favourite single dad + duda.. lol.. [sorry i dragged you into this too,sis ;)] we need a break from all the stress we've been dealing lately. cheers!

[single dad Agent Seeley Booth a.k.a David Boreanaz in 'Bones']

[divorced Dr Derek Shepherd a.k.a Patrick Dempsey in 'Grey's Anotomy']

so, anyone knows any HOT single dads or duda out there? tell him i said hi.

LOL.

my oh-so-beautiful night

it's 4 am now.. and i've just finished watching my second and last movie [for now].. i thank my two best friends for such a 'beautiful' movie that i saw just now. fqrl for suggesting it to shambie. and shambie for your effort to download the movie and burn it for me. ;) you guys are just the best!


the movie that took me by surprise for its sweetness and romance was none other than "The Notebook".. starring Ryan Gosling, James Garner et cetera.. well, you can always Google for more info regarding the movie, but in my humble opinion, the love story in The Notebook is so real and oh-so-sweet. it tells about a man who reads a notebook to his wife who's suffering from memory loss. their love for each other remains intact until their last breath..at a very old age.. perhaps too good to be true, but i can't stop wanting to have such a relationship while i was watching the movie. so sweet and beautiful..can't find more suitable words to describe it. gosh, got to see this movie again..and again..and again.. [plus there's the forever-hot James Marsden in it too..who never fails to make my heart smiles with his lovely dimples.. ;)] rotflol. oh, and Ryan Gosling didn't fail me either in this movie. he managed to look manly and macho, which i find it very difficult to imagine at first due to his boyish look. ah, what a movie.. got butterflies all over my tummy watching the actors..




the first movie that i saw, before The Notebook, was "Serendipity".. quite an old movie, but believe it or not, i haven't seen it even though i once had a huge crush on John Cusack back in the days when i was in college. this movie was not a disappointment either. though there were quite a few 'hindustani' scenes in the movie, but it was acceptable. perhaps it was just my mood.. i was feeling rather mellow and the 'theme' for last night's DVD session was ROMANCE. so, anything sweet and lovey-dovey was THE thing. [pa'chik sure tengah muntah reading this entry.. lol.. bear with me, ek pa'chik..]..

tomorrow, the theme's gonna be comedy slash cartoon, i guess. got "Kung Fu Panda" waiting to be watched and also The Rock's "Game Plan".. yeah, i am enjoying my year-end holidays now.. after a year's hard work, i think at least i deserve this much of an entertainment. oh, no.. ayam berkokok already.. it's 4.50 am.. gonna sleep now..

bye~

my [head+throat+heart] hurt.

mentally, my head hurts. too many things to think about. my presentation tomorrow. courses that i need to facilitate the day after all through the coming wednesday. problems keep on coming, and i can't stop thinking about them. really troublesome. watching the news in our national television makes matters worse. i've had enough of the so-called yang berhormats fighting their heads off in the parliament. don't they have better things to do?

physically, my throat hurts too. i wonder why. haven't yelled at my students the past couple of weeks. sometimes it feels itchy too. i want my 'cap ibu dan anak'!! a.s.a.p!!

emotionally, my heart hurts. badly. due to some circumstances that i could not bring myself to write them up for public to read. just so you know that these past few days, Allah's been testing me. whether i can keep myself straight after dugaan demi dugaan given to me. now, i think i had enough of these few people that keep on messing with my head+heart. up to a point that i could not care less of what they do. they won't matter to me anymore.

come school holiday, a.s.a.p. i really need a break from all of this!

a tag before i go hiatus.

miss B commented in my last entry saying that i had been tagged in her blog. thank god she did that, because i couldn't really think of what to write right now. just finished my course(s) and next week i'll sit for my FINAL EXAM!!! really need to ace that.. have to! so, after this tag is done, i might go hiatus for a week or so. just so that i could concentrate on my revision. ececececececece.. *rotflol*

1. When is the last time you ran?
-loooooooong ago?!! *lol*
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears and holes in them?
-awww..sexy! no lah.
3. What are you dreading right now?
-the fact that my final exam's next week, and i have tonnes of my students' exam papers to mark. dang!
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
-erkk..that's one of my best friends' birthday..anything special that day?!
5. When is the last time you saw your significant other?
-have to LOOK for one first, before i get to SEE him.
6. Do you get the full eight hours of sleep every night?
-not every night.lately, i got only 3-4 hours of sleep. :(
7. What is your favourite current song?
-been listening to LOTSSSSSSS of korean songs. too many favourites, i must say.
8. If anyone came to your house on your lazy days, what would you do?
-if they are not my guest (i.e. my parents'), i'd lock myself in my room and take a nap. ;)
9. Who last grabbed your ass?
-*rotflol* no one, thank god.
10. Have you ever been in your school’s band?
-proudly to say, yes.
11. Do you own a pair of Converse?
-no, don't plan to.
12. Did you copy and paste this survey?
-yup, from no ordinary momster. :)
13. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
-nope. not my thing..
14. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
-when i was in high school, yes. hoping to get another can of coffee. *lol*
15. Do you hate it when a radio ruins a song by playing a slow one after it?
-i hate it when people remix a good song, and make it worse.
16. Do you watch Trading Places?
-once, i think..
17. Have you ever stayed on line a long time waiting for someone?
-ha ha ha. i have. loooooooong time ago..
18. Are you ‘cocky’?
-i think not. but people might see me differently. who knows?
19. Could you live without a computer?
-in this day and age, i think i can't.
20. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
-when i get a new pair of shoes.. i'd walk around the house with them. hehehe..
21. At what age did you find out Santa was not real?
-since forever!
22. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are there in your home?
-1 house phone, 3 cells
23. What do you do when you are sad?
-cry, listen to songs, talk to my best friend.
24. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
-the same best friend. but of course it's impossible. HARAM ok, the lottery?! *lol*
25. Last time you saw your best friend(s)?
-the one mentioned above, not for a long time. others, i saw them last Eid. :D
26. Who, or What sleeps with you?
-have yet to fine a hubby to sleep with, so now i only sleep with 4 pillows. pathetic, tak?! :(
27. Are you still in High School?
-i wish i am!!!
28. Is anyone on your bad side now?
-alhamdulillah, none that i could think of now.
29. What jewelery are you wearing now?
-a ring, a gold bracelet, D&G watch.
30. What is the first thing that you do when you get on line?
-check my gmail. log on to yahoo messenger.
31. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?
-not religiously, but enough to make me drool over Dr Alex Karev. ;)
32. Would you ever wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
-i find this very romantic. why not? [yikesss!!so cheeky!] *rotflol*
33. Where do you work?
-in a school, in terengganu.
34. What are you doing on Friday?
-study, prepare sandwiches for my students [they are having their scouts' annual camping]
35. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
-hope not!
36. Favourite name for a girl?
-fatimah naquiyah, hannah humaira.. my nieces' names.
37. Favourite name for a boy?
-hasif hilman, haziq husaini, hassan an nuqman, muaz .. these are all my nephews' names.
38. Will you keep your own name when you get married?
-of course. i am muslim.
39. When is the last time you left your house?
-this morning.
40. Do you return your cart (I assume trolley)?
-sometimes i just left it beside my car. hehe
41. Do you have a dishwasher?
-no.
42. What noise do you hear?
-school bell ringing, rain drops.. aaahhhh.. i like the sound of rain drops..

i'm tagging achik, asni, shambie, shaxu and anyone interested.

of being single and young(er).

is it a sin being a single? did i bring any harm to anyone just because i have not settled down? why do i get treated badly just because i'm not married? i've had enough of these sort of double standards already. since working, approximately 4 years ago, being single is like a death sentence to me (and a few friends). i have to attend courses that those who are married did not want to go, simply because they had problems with 'anak²'. and i have to go to meetings because those same people can't make it due to family problem and i have nothing to think about at home. my god!!!! don't us, single people, have our own problems too? it may not be about children or husband or in-laws, but a problem is a problem no matter how you put it. no one is to judge how great or simple a problem is if you're not the one facing it.

me being single is not a choice. this is what we i like to call fate. if i can just pick anyone to be wed, i would have done it years ago! who does not want to be married and start a family? everybody does. it's just that my 'time' is yet to arrive. and for that, i have to be 'punished' by doing stuff that mostly, are supposed to be done together as colleagues. i am trying my best to settle down, to have my own child(ren) et cetera. maybe i should try harder. but in the mean time, cant' they just give me a break, or better yet, treat me equally?

and is it my fault being born late? and start working when i'm only in my early 20s? me being young [if not the youngest..], is that a ticket for anyone not to show some respect to me? in this day and age, i believe in equality. in order to be respected by everyone, you have to respect others too. i have done my part, the best that i can [i.e respecting my superiors], but why can't they show me some respect too? when they give orders, can't they talk in a softer tone? and show some nice facial expression once in a while.. is that so hard to do? a simple and honest gesture means a lot to anyone.

i know we can't stay young forever. i am already 25 (ouch!!), and that's not young anymore. but being the junior in my workplace, plus a single one too, i don't think i get respected for being me. i maybe younger, but i work like everyone too. so don't i deserve a little bit of respect? can't older people respect their juniors?

these are some of the reasons why i really want to fly away from my workplace. even though it's the best compared to my friends', but i'm afraid i can't handle this kind of pressure anymore. i am, intentionally or not, being DISCRIMINATED just because i am (still) single and young(er).

or, to ease my pain, shall i just find a husband right away?
rotflol.

my OCD and i

i guess the main reason why i can't seem to be blogging on regular basis, for a long period of time, is because i think a lot. a fellow blogger, who's now a doctor, once 'diagnosed' me with "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" (OCD). hehehehehe. when i write, i would proof read them over and over just to make sure everything's correct. the spelling, the grammatical part of the sentences et cetera. sometimes, on a rare ocassion, i would mentally plan what i want to write that day. i would read what i've written and would picture myself as the reader..would i be interested in reading what's written there?

i needed perfection in the work i'm doing. even if it's merely a blog.. a personal one to add to that. but being a teacher i guess, i need or have to write well, if not better than my students. lol. plus i personally think that since teaching, my english is deteriorating. things have been going the other way round. it's not my students' level of english that gets better, but mine is getting worse day by day.

this was told by my lecturer [who happens to be an ex-tkcian also..], on the day she interviewed me for my PJJ course, that i need to get out from my school, because my students are making my command of english worse. hehehe. perhaps i'm not much of a exemplary teacher, that's why they are not making any grave progress. lol. but in a way, it does affect me a bit. speaking and writing wise, i'm not as confident as i used to be.

so, my point is.. this OCD thing had an effect on me as a blogger/writer. as the process becomes longer, i slowly feel lazier to write. so, this time around i'll put my foot down and just write whatever comes to my mind. without ever thinking of the correct grammar or if it's interesting enough for the readers. [but sadly i still can't compromise on the spelling part. lol]

oh, and one other thing about blog. i think it works 2-way. when i write, a reader will read. and if that reader has a blog, i will read his/hers. then the reader will leave a comment. so do i. hence, when i am not capable of doing any of those [i.e. leisurely read + comment in others' blogs], i tend to stop writing in mine too.. because i think it's not fair for them to write and write some more yet i couldn't read their entries and leave my p.o.v. to be fair, i just stop writing so that they don't have anything to comment in my blog in return.

but i guess, writing is in my blood. no matter how hard i try, at the end of the day, it still gives me a sense of satisfaction.

a SUPER WEIRD way of thinking? i think it's confirmed now i have OCD.
lol